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Meet The New Guys

By Turk Dunlop 09/27/2016, 10:00pm CDT

The 2016 Ozaukee County Hockey League Novice Division draft took pace Sunday night at the OIC.  The event itself was its usual mix of sucking up to the locals, ("We'd like to thank the fans in Mequon for their hospitality"), Jedi mind tricks, bickering, and media interviews.

In the end, the rosters of the six teams were established.

Of the 14 players drafted to the Milwaukee Express roster, 12 of them skated with them last season.  It's time to meet the two new guys.

Joe Olson -- born on August 31, 1984 in Livonia, Michigan, (also the hometown of Mike Modano). He played for several junior teams in Detroit but didn't make the cut for the AAA grade, and ended up playing bantam hockey for his father's team.  Olson then caught his break, being invited to play for the US National Development Team based in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He enjoyed two fairly successful seasons with the US National Team, and went on to play for the University of Michigan for one season, playing 40 games and scoring 11 goals and 20 assists for the Wolverines.

After writing his senior thesis on why Law and Order is the best show ever, Joe transferred to do graduate law work at Concordia University.  His led the Concordia team last year in penalty minutes due to 'saying the magic words' a couple too many times.  "Apparently, referees in this league are more sensitive than judges are.  Who knew?  I very thoroughly pleaded my case, had the facts on my side, and he just gave me another ten minutes." Olson told reporters after the game.

Olson will bring both intangibles AND tangibles to the Milwaukee Express team this winter.   He will also bring beer when it's his assigned week.

"Sustained," Olson declares.

Daniel Garcia -- was selected first overall in the 2003 WHL Bantam Draft by the Tri-City Americans, but chose instead to play midget AAA hockey at Shattuck-Saint Mary's.  The decision enabled him to retain his NCAA eligibility. Garcia scored 110 points in 64 games in his second season with Shattuck-Saint Mary's before moving on to play college ice hockey.

Garcia played two seasons at the University of North Dakota, compiling 85 points (40 goals and 45 assists), a +38 plus-minus rating and a 56.7% faceoff winning percentage in 76 games. But the bigger highlight for him was taking his junior roller hockey team all the way to the championship.

"I'll never forget that roller hockey team, man," Garcia recalls. "There was B-Dubs in net...  K-Nut on the blue line...M-Dawg skating around everyone....and Steve.  Oh man, we couldn't have done it without Steve.  Championships are forever."  

Going into the 2016-17 OCHL Entry Draft, Garcia was ranked third among North American prospects by the OCHL Central Scouting Bureau, and was ultimately chosen by Milwaukee Express.  

"I'm really excited to join the Express.  I can't think of any other team that I would rather have been on, other than the Blackhawks."

Alternate Universe Found In Mequon

By Turk Dunlop 09/19/2016, 8:30pm CDT

(Mequon)  7 members of the two-time defending champion MKE Express ventured to the Mee-kwon golf course for their summer outing on Sunday.   While the initial foursome of Miller, Pogorelc, and Wunderlich may had a mostly uneventful round, an alarming interruption in the space-time continuum hit the foursome of Kent, Ravanelli, Hall and Sutliffe. 

"I knew something had to be amiss when a guy on the first hole asked us to speed up the pace of play." said Eric Kent.  "Hey, we were slow getting off tee but the first hole … even the biggest d-bag in the world wouldn't ask you to speed up on the first hole.  They were obviously confused and thought they were on the 6th hole."  Sutliffe and crew looked confused while Eric immediately decided to throw the previous threesome under the bus and blaming the group in front.  It turned out to be a  difficult start to the day that would only get more bizarre.

Things got a little weird for the first group after a Pogorelc tee shot hit a tree on the right side, and then bounced another 100 feet back into the middle of the fairway, and up a bit too.

"I've been practicing that shot," Pogorelc joked, although all three of them were a little uncomfortable with what the laws of physics were doing -- they were waiting for the other golf shoe to proverbally drop.

Later in the round, Eric Kent was commenting to a particularly disinterested party that he had to purchase new golf shoes for the event.  Kent indicated that his entire spiked surface of his previous set of shoes had completely delaminated from the shoe body leaving him with a slick shoe and no grip.  Interestingly enough, Sutliffe's shoe suffered the exact same failure mode one hole later. 

Sutliffe recalled, "I thought, whatever, dufus.  How could you do that to a shoe?  Then my shoe falls apart - who's the dufus now?" 

Later, Kent was lamenting the fact that he did not have a super-villain in his life -- a single figure in which he could direct his focus and thoughts on defeating.  Strangely, at the next hole, it appeared that the arch-enemy/supervillain was going to be the Mee-Kwon golf Ranger.  The battle would rage on for the next two hours. 

Matt Hall commented, "We were at one and half hours with two holes to go on the first 9."  That's pretty much right on time.  However, the Ranger, living up to his arch-enemy status, harassed the group on holes 10 thru 13.  Kent confronted his nemesis by saying, "Why don't you follow us around and see where we can speed up?" 

While teeing off on 12, two errant shots sent Ravanelli and Hall into the woods.  The ranger stopped his cart to sit there dumbfounded while the two went in search of the balls.  Sutliffe joined in the battle "Why don't you f*#Qing help him find the ball?!?" 

Having satisfied the Ranger and banishing him back to Ranger hell, the foursome went on to enjoy the remainder of the round. 

Kent summarized, "Listen, nobody wants to play like that.  But like all Express teams, we just found our rallying cry … I don't think we can reveal it until needed.  Let's just say it's a call to regroup and battle."

Apparently, the anomaly wasn't done with messing with the foursome.  Eric Kent smashed his best drive of the day right down the fairway.  Thinking it would be easily found, Kent and Sutliffe headed to find Jim's errant drive.  Upon locating Jim's ball, the twosome both saw Kent's drive in the middle of the fairway.  When turning back, Jim's ball had vanished.  "I can't explain it," said Sutliffe, "Yeah we had a few beers but it wasn't like we were drinking like Will Tinsley." 

"Of course you're not drinking like Will, because then you'd be stealing beer out of someone else's cart", remarked Ravanelli. 

The "slow" round, which again brought MKE Express together under their new rally cry, was just shy of 4.5 hours - which is about a normal round on a weekend. 

"I can't explain it either," said Hall.  "One thing I do know -- we're not messing with Mee-kwon anymore.  Too many otherworldly occurrences.  We'll go to Fire Ridge next time.  Or maybe Baehmann's Golf Center or Putt-Putt.... somewhere where the intergalactic universe is a bit more stable."

Sponsor Vacancy Announced In Novice League

By Turk Dunlop 09/15/2016, 10:45pm CDT

OCHL executive director of external communication Dickie Dunn announced today that the Novice League currently has a sponsor vacancy.  He did not indicate whether a current sponsor is leaving, or whether the vacancy is due to an expected expansion to a sixth team this season.

Nevertheless, speculation spread like wildfire around the OCHL this afternoon.

"Dickie Dunn wrote this!  It's gotta be true!  But who owwwwwwns the Milwaukee Express?" asked Express defenseman Eric Kent.  "Are we moving to Florida?  Here's to the sap that bought the Express.  And here's to all that gorgeous sn____ in F-L-A!"

 

"I think it's probably the Ice Shack that's out," hypothesized Ice Shack captain Nate Darling.  "I mean, they weren't open once during the spring or summer leagues.  That's not a great business model.  But maybe it's for the better.  This league didn't need three teams with blue jerseys."

"I won't be surprised if it's Entech that leaves," lamented Entech captain Scott Knaffla.  "Entech has been in the championship game in three of the four years of the novice league, but has no hardware to show for it.  We're like the Buffalo Bills of the OCHL.  It's frustrating for us, but it's got to be especially frustrating for the sponsor."

"I can assure you with 100% certainty that it's not Gecko that's leaving," stated Gecko captain Steve Giuntoli.  "I asked Dave, I said 'Dave, are we good for this year?'  And Dave said to me, 'Yeah man.  We're good for this year.'  So you're welcome OCHL -- you get another year of the best looking jerseys in the league."

"Oh man, this is going to be awesome," Concordia captain Rob Barnhill said.  "I don't know who's leaving, but I'm going to get Busch Light to be the new sponsor.  And in the contract?  Free samples.  Free samples every week.  Busch Light will be the OFFICIAL beer sponsor for the OCHL.  Sorry Ed - no more carry-ins.  Because....You ought to be on mountain time. Because when that whistle blows and your time once again becomes your own, you know it's not about the time you put in....it's what you put in that time.  You can set your watch by the good times you'll have with smooth Busch Beer. Or easy-drinking Busch Light. The freedom of the mountains is closer than you think. So you don't have to change your altitude...just your attitude. Isn't it time to head for the mountains?"

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